I know personally that anger can motivate or cause a complete lack of motivation. It must be calmed enough to be appropriate (meaning cussing at the world while possibly fun, isn’t always professional). And, I know anger is a natural part of conflicts, whether personal and internal or a conflict with another. It is one of our natural and inherent traits as human beings. I also know that sometimes getting angry is productive and sometimes not at all.

So, I was wondering if anger is good or bad for the mediation process and if it can in fact be used as a tool to productively come up with agreements and to reach both peace and resolve.

Rachel Fishman Green, a New York mediator who primarily specializes in family law mediations explains that anger can mean there are important pieces of information that need to be addressed or expressed. Anger gives a mediator a clue or an indication that issues and/or emotions need to be.

http://www.mediate2resolution.com/can-i-mediate-if-im-angry/

She also explains that sometimes the feelings of anger are too painful and people “…may need to take a break from mediation – sometimes for a few weeks – until the person starts to work through the anger and feel better.” Additionally, she may have “…some separate meetings with the angry person to help them explore their options and understand what is at the core of the anger.”

Mediator Steven G. Mehta wrote an interesting article that sometimes in life and in mediations people know that they are angry and emotional and may utilize it strategically…hmmm…interesting. Also, that sometimes being angry or emotional can backfire from a “success” perspective. He refers to a study conducted by researchers Eduardo B. Andrade and Teck-Hua at UC Berkeley which evaluated whether exaggerated sense of anger or “emotion gaming” affected the outcome of the negotiation.  “Emotion gaming” is the strategically altering the overt expression of emotion in order to convince or persuade the other person to act according to your desires.  An example of “emotion gaming” would be exaggerating anger while negotiating during mediation. http://stevemehta.wordpress.com/2009/06/03/351/

The result of the study at UC Berkely: “Receivers do get a better offer from proposers as long as proposers have reason to believe that their partners’ feelings are genuine. When proposers learn that receivers might be inflating anger, the impact of emotion gaming on proposers” goes away.” So…being angry is great if you really are angry and if you express your anger as genuinely as possible. If you exaggerate your anger, others can pick up on it. So be genuinely angry?!?

Whether in mediation or other activity or process in life, it is best to channel anger and to do so properly. For mediator Joan St. Claire, “Anger was channeled into seeking solutions. Desire for revenge [were] replaced by the possibility of reconciliation http://www.mediationtoronto.com/references.htm

I don’t deny Ms. Claire’s ability to channel her clients’ anger and I don’t deny others ability to use anger as a tool. I even took a moment and looked at website who suggest things like if you are angry, do one of the above: paint, listen to music, lock yourself in a room and give yourself time to get over it, etc.

All in all, we are angry at times. It is natural. It is human. If you are angry, be genuinely angry. Don’t exaggerate and know yourself and the other person you are angry at. Don’t let it go or you will lose sight of what made you angry (or possibly have a heart attack or an ulcer). But, also don’t go to the extreme. Whether in a mediation or in life, you have to productively use anger. Let it motivate you. Take your anger and take a walk, then make a list. Health experts/writers believe that anger keeps us sharp and focused. http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Anger_how_it_affects_people

So let anger run its course and use it….use it as a tool in mediation in everyday. But don’t be so angry that you can’t move or walk or talk…or you punch in the wall at your mediator’s office. That’s not cool.