So, I was wondering if anger is good or bad for the mediation process and if it can in fact be used as a tool to productively come up with agreements and to reach both peace and resolve.

Rachel Fishman Green, a New York mediator who primarily specializes in family law mediations explains that anger can mean there are important pieces of information that need to be addressed or expressed. Anger gives a mediator a clue or an indication that issues and/or emotions need to be.

http://www.mediate2resolution.com/can-i-mediate-if-im-angry/

She also explains that sometimes the feelings of anger are too painful and people “…may need to take a break from mediation – sometimes for a few weeks – until the person starts to work through the anger and feel better.” Additionally, she may have “…some separate meetings with the angry person to help them explore their options and understand what is at the core of the anger.”

Mediator Steven G. Mehta wrote an interesting article that sometimes in life and in mediations people know that they are angry and emotional and may utilize it strategically…hmmm…interesting. Also, that sometimes being angry or emotional can backfire from a “success” perspective. He refers to a study conducted by researchers Eduardo B. Andrade and Teck-Hua at UC Berkeley which evaluated whether exaggerated sense of anger or “emotion gaming” affected the outcome of the negotiation.  “Emotion gaming” is the strategically altering the overt expression of emotion in order to convince or persuade the other person to act according to your desires.  An example of “emotion gaming” would be exaggerating anger while negotiating during mediation. http://stevemehta.wordpress.com/2009/06/03/351/

The result of the study at UC Berkely: “Receivers do get a better offer from proposers as long as proposers have reason to believe that their partners’ feelings are genuine. When proposers learn that receivers might be inflating anger, the impact of emotion gaming on proposers” goes away.” So…being angry is great if you really are angry and if you express your anger as genuinely as possible. If you exaggerate your anger, others can pick up on it. So be genuinely angry?!?

Whether in mediation or other activity or process in life, it is best to channel anger and to do so properly. For mediator Joan St. Claire, “Anger was channeled into seeking solutions. Desire for revenge [were] replaced by the possibility of reconciliation http://www.mediationtoronto.com/references.htm

I don’t deny Ms. Claire’s ability to channel her clients’ anger and I don’t deny others ability to use anger as a tool. I even took a moment and looked at website who suggest things like if you are angry, do one of the above: paint, listen to music, lock yourself in a room and give yourself time to get over it, etc.

All in all, we are angry at times. It is natural. It is human. If you are angry, be genuinely angry. Don’t exaggerate and know yourself and the other person you are angry at. Don’t let it go or you will lose sight of what made you angry (or possibly have a heart attack or an ulcer). But, also don’t go to the extreme. Whether in a mediation or in life, you have to productively use anger. Let it motivate you. Take your anger and take a walk, then make a list. Health experts/writers believe that anger keeps us sharp and focused. http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Anger_how_it_affects_people

So let anger run its course and use it….use it as a tool in mediation in everyday. But don’t be so angry that you can’t move or walk or talk…or you punch in the wall at your mediator’s office. That’s not cool.

“What is the difference between a mediator and a cowboy? A cowboy doesn’t have to deal with as much bullsh*t.”

John Kenyon, http://www.mediate.com/articles/kenyonJ1.cfm

“What is mediators’ favorite food? Anything as long as it is processed correctly!”

Id.

“How many mediators does it take to rehang a picture?….come on take a guess…how many mediators does it take to rehang a picture? …Give up?…None, Mediators don’t rehang pictures, we reframe them!”

Kevin Brown, http://mediationchannel.com/2008/09/24/a-negotiator-walks-into-a-bar-a-joke-holds-a-lesson-on-problem-solving/

“Why did the mediator cross the road?

I’m sorry, I can’t share that information with you unless the chicken authorizes me to tell you.

http://www.consensusmediation.co.uk/mediationjokes.html

Bumper Stickers

Mediators:

• do it until everyone is satisfied
• do it in separate rooms
• do it with a flip chart
• do it with an assistant
• do it consensually
• do it confidentially
• won’t tell anyone about it afterwards
• won’t do it for you, but they’ll help you do it for yourself

Id.

And then my own: What is beef…plus 7 plus 1? Mediate….I know lame…

            Machinists who work for Boeing were about to strike but decided not to after agreeing that a mediation could be successful.

            Boeing workers in St. Louis put off signing a letter of intent to strike in 7 days after both sided agreed to meet with a mediator on Friday. http://www.kmov.com/news/local/Boeing-union-says-it-could-strike-on-Monday-96481474.html

African Nations

The African Union Tuesday supported a mediation agreement between Eritrea and Djibouti, whose border standoff could destabilize the Horn of Africa region.

Djibouti’s government said that further to the deal, Eritrea had withdrawn its troops from two areas they had occupied.

The Red Sea nations, who share a coastline on a crucial shipping lane linking Asia to Europe, clashed over their border several times in 2008 and routinely exchange accusations. http://www.globenews24.com/EN/news,african-union-welcomes-eritrea-djibouti-mediation-deal-reuters

European Union may not be a good mediator for the Situation

The European Union has little chances of success as a diplomatic mediator between Iran and the West in the Iranian nuclear program, experts say.

“The EU now is seen to be very much in line with the US which means it can not really mediate, because it is part of the game. And that was what Iran was in this sense signaling when it turned to Brazil and Turkey instead,” European expert on Iranian policy Rouzbeh Parsi wrote in an e-mail to Trend. http://www.turkishweekly.net/news/103214/experts-eu-mediation-efforts-in-iranian-nuclear-issue-not-to-give-results.html

At first the title of this was, “Mediation IS the best option.” I personally agree that it is often the best option. My decision to be a mediator is evidence of this. However, as a mediator who went to law school I also believe that litigation can and should get you places if the situation calls for it. I was curious about why other people believe mediation to be the best option…or why don’t we say, the “preferred” option. I know this is supposed to be my blog with my thoughts and my writing. Sorry to cheat, but here are what some other people say and then my thoughts.

“In mediation, the parties can craft their own solution with the help of a mediator, which is a far better solution than letting a third party decide, whether it be an arbitrator, judge, or jury. The key to the success of mediation is that the parties control the process and the outcome.” Robert D. Taichert, http://www.nysscpa.org/cpajournal/2006/406/essentials/p64.htm

I agree with this statement and that it is best for us to collaboratively solve issues with the very people who are involved in our conflict. But, in order for a mediation to occur and for parties to “craft” their own solution, they must be willing to mediate. If they are not willing to mediate or have agreed to mediate but are not willing to work together during the mediation, then mediation may not be the best option.

“In contrast to litigation or arbitration, the mediation process may be less adversarial and can take account of commercial considerations beyond narrow concepts of judicial right and wrong…Mediation, therefore, tends towards less hostility than litigation or arbitration which typically produces a winning and losing party, ignoring possible legitimate concerns of either party.” http://www.constructionweekonline.com/article-6656-mediation-is-a-good-option/

There is less hostility with mediations. However, I have mediated and been in the room during heated mediations. They are not always beautiful, peaceful, collaborative, and calm. It is true that there is more than judicial right and wrong involved. There are issues of trust, communication, failure, success, sadness, happiness, and so on. These are things that litigation and arbitration either do not focus on or do not have time for or both.

“1. Procedural Problems. There are three extremely common procedural reasons reported by attorneys as reasons that mediations deadlocked. a. 24% of the failed mediations result from a lack of settlement authority. In a survey involving over 150 mediators and a substantial number of sessions, almost one quarter of the failures were the result of a necessary party not attending. Those with authority must attend in order for the process to work.b. 21% of the failed mediations result from a lack of preparation. Often referred to as a “inadequate discovery,” the problems quite commonly reflect a party or an attorney who does not know enough about their own case to be able to settle the case.c. A substantial number of mediations fail because of hostile and incompatible attorneys. A mediation session is not the place for an aggressive, hostile and emotional attack on the other party or their attorney. Such attacks cause a substantial number of failed mediations.” http://adrr.com/adr1/essayc.htm

These three procedural problems exist but can be avoided. As a mediator, I immediately ask during consultations and then again during the mediation itself if the people who wish to mediate have authority over the issue. And, authority to sign any potential agreements. Additionally, I will ask if any other parties should be present.

The second issue mentioned was lack of preparation by attorneys or parties. A mediator can mediate with or without attorneys present. If I know that documents are involved, I will schedule a mediation later in order for parties to secure the necessary documents. Or, one mediation session may turn into another after it is realized during the mediation that information is missing. Mediations are also not supposed to be presented like trials. As long as everyone present is comfortable with the documents available and there are plenty of copies for all, this procedural failure possibility would fail.

If attorneys are incompatible during the session I will ask them to simmer down and to remember that they are representing their client and allow a mediation session is not like a trial, there is a particular decorum that is necessary.

In conclusion, these are just a few thoughts on mediation being an option, preferred option, or best option. There are more thoughts from people all over the country who take both sides. I think that if parties are willing to mediate and are prepared, a prepared mediator can have success. The positives outweigh the negatives if necessary precautions are met. Mediation is one option of several. I have told people before that their case is perfect for mediation, mediation is an option, or no…you may want to take that to small claims or civil court. As a mediator, I try to be prepared, honest, and to appreciate all of the conflict resolution options.

I have been asked what my style of mediation is. I want to respond with words such as “effective, collaborative, and successful.” Mediation as a format and mediators such as myself strive to be our best, however these words may not answer the question regarding style, and they are hopeful at best. My answer to the question on style and/or technique would be that I strive to transform.

Prof. Leonard L. Riskin of the University of Missouri-Columbia School of Law not only writes about mediators and their styles, he develops ways to characterize the many different styles of mediators. http://www.mediate.com/articles/krivis4.cfm?plain=t While I’m not sure if I like or agree with this approach at defining oneself, I think it is fascinating. If you go to the link, scroll, down to see the questions and mediator style chart.

In the The Art of Mediation, by Mark D. Bennett and Michele S.G. Hermann (one of my favorite books regarding the topic), mediators are described as having three styles: facilitative, evaluative, and transformative. From my understanding and very simply put, a facilitative mediator is more about process, stages, agenda, and hardly any emotions. An evaluative mediator is facilitative, but actually takes more time to focus on the party’s situations and emotions. And, a transformative mediator is one who guides parties not just through the process, but leaves parties with a sense of emotional closure and growth. They are possibly “empowered.”

If you know anything about me, you know I like divisions and labels, but I also like nuisance. And, I like gray. I personally strive to be a transformative mediator. But what does this mean? And what if someone doesn’t want to be transformed? Or, what if transformation is too hopeful? What if the situation merely calls for facilitation and a transformative style is forceful?

So many questions, so little time…Let me start by defining transformative mediation. Some people it has its roots in the 1970s, but that it was best described in a book called The Promise of Mediation, written by Baruch Bush and Joe Folger in 1994. Heidi Burgess explains that, “The transformative approach to mediation does not seek resolution of the immediate problem, but rather, seeks the empowerment and mutual recognition of the parties involved. Empowerment, according to Bush and Folger, means enabling the parties to define their own issues and to seek solutions on their own. Recognition means enabling the parties to see and understand the other person’s point of view–to understand how they define the problem and why they seek the solution that they do.” http://www.colorado.edu/conflict/transform/tmall.htm

Empowerment is possibly a better way to define my mediation style instead of merely “transformative.” Folger and Bush describe empowerment as being the restoring to individuals of a sense of their own value and strength and their capacity to handle life’s problems. In this way, even a mediator who follows every stage and who says they are merely facilitative in their approach, is empowering. As mediators we must have a style, know what our style is, but also be aware of what style parties may require. It is not enough for me to want to transform or empower. I must guide those who want to be empowered in a specialized way. And, I must not get so distracted by emotion, empowerment, hope, energy, and other positive words that I lose sight of reality. Or lose sight of process, reality testing, and finances. So I suppose I am a mediator who empowers if you want to be empowered. And, I am a mediator who adapts to different people and different situations. But even if you’re a business man who wants to go through the process stage by stage with no emotion, I may ask you if you need a moment to cry.

The United Teachers of Pasadena and the Pasadena Unified School District Board unanimously approved a contract on Tuesday, May 24, 2010. Mediation was used to come up with a contract. “The contract comes with no raises through the 2012 school year, five unpaid furlough days and increased contributions by the union members toward health benefits, according to union officials.” http://www.pasadenastarnews.com/news/ci_15166146

DC Handgun Lawyer Fee Mediation Cancelled

In 2008, plaintiffs’ attorneys from the Virginia law Firm “Gura & Possessky,” won a the landmark Supreme Court case involving DC’s handgun ban. They have been fighting Washington federal district court for attorneys fees which they believe to be worth $3.5 million. The court referred to the case to mediation in November of 2008. The lawyers who want to collect their fees have declined to continue with a mediation. Other attorneys involved were thought to have been involved in the gun matter on a pro bono basis. Gura believes this is not the case and is requesting discovery on attorney fees for all sides. (http://legaltimes.typepad.com/blt/2010/05/lawyers-in-dc-handgun-case-decline-further-mediation-over-fees.html).  Mediation would have continued if the “Gura & Possessky” firm let it. Instead, they want to litigate the matter.

Tulsa County, Oklahoma Fair Mediation

“The Tulsa County fair board agreed Monday to accept an offer from the city of Tulsa to enter into mediation over disputed utility bills at Expo Square” http://www.tulsaworld.com/news/article.aspx?subjectid=16&articleid=20100525_16_A9_TheTul480940

Apparently, the fairgrounds has not paid their water and trash bills since January 1, 2009. They claim however, that the city took over the fairground land at the time and should have been the paying party.

A memorandum states that the fairgrounds’ “operations are grandfathered and exempt from the city’s regulatory ordinances and regulations, in existence at the time annexation becomes effective and thereafter including but not limited to those relating to noise, building permitting and inspections.” (Id.) The city says that utility bills are not included in any exemptions and that they are still owed.

During the first quarter of 2010, California had the fourth largest foreclosure rate in the nation. As someone who believes in the use of mediation for various types of issues, I wonder if California will pass a mediation foreclosure bill. I first thought about the topic when I was in Washington, DC recently. I read in a local paper that Maryland had approved a mediation program requiring lenders to send an application for loan-modification or loss-mitigation to the homeowner.

The operative word here is REQUIRING or REQUIRED. While I could mediate a foreclosure case today when both a mortgage company and a home owner agree to mediate, these cases are not systematic, required, or easy to come by…unless a patient mortgage company understands the human aspect of keeping people in their homes and can financially wait to recoup more in a re-worked mortgage than selling a home at an auction.

Well with anything, money owed and people who owe it is a case by case basis. Some people have had tough times or medical expenses. Some should not have gotten a mortgage or purchased a home at all. Or some, were led to believe their mortgages were something they weren’t (subprime mortgage crisis, etc).

This Maryland legislation was proposed by Governor Martin O’Malley and takes effect July 1^st with a goal of full implementation by the middle of August. The process in Maryland will look something like this. (Thank you to Ovetta Wiggins at the Washington Post for writing such a good article on this process (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/04/14/AR2010041404602.html_

First, Lenders are required to send an application for a loan-modification or loss mitigation to the homeowner (experiencing difficulty and not making payments) 45 days before a foreclosure action is filed in court.

The bill requires the lender to pay a $300 fee for a foreclosure filing. Then, a loss mitigation analysis is done 30 days before a foreclosure sale is scheduled. If a loan modification or mitigation is approved—great!  If not, a denial is sent from the lender to the homeowner. Within 15 days of receiving a denial for modification, the homeowner can request foreclosure mediation. A form and 50 dollars must be mailed to the Circuit Court where the foreclosure action was filed and to the lender’s foreclosure attorney. If the borrower wants mediation, the foreclosure proceedings halt a mediation is scheduled.

Of course, the program has yet to begin. And, there are questions like, what happens if the mediation leads to an agreement that doesn’t work out. Or will the parties use private mediators or court appointed mediators, and so on.

It seems like Maryland is not the only state considering MANDATORY foreclosure mediations. In Connecticut on May 3^rd, state representatives unanimously approved a bill that would extend the state’s foreclosure mediation program until 2012. The state senate must approve the bill for its final passing, but has Connecticut Governor, M. Jodi Rell’s support. (House Approves Foreclosure Mediation Bill, Amanda Falcone, May 3, 2010).

The western trend also exists as seen in Nevada and Arizona (well Florida was cool and also caught on). Around April 1^st, 48 new mediators were added to the “Nevada Foreclosure Mediation Program” bringing the total mediators in the program to “218.” (http://www.nevadajudiciary.us/index.php/foreclosuremediation/695-48-new-mediators-being-added-to-the-foreclosure-mediation-program_) The mediators received two-day mediation and foreclosure training. 218 mediators and this program just started July 1^st of last year! Come on Nevada send your mediation magic to our state!

Ok, so…. what about our golden state? About a month ago, state Assemblyman Pedro Nava of the lovely area of my undergrad (Santa Barbara J) made news. His California Assembly Bill 1639, called “Mediated Mortgage Workout Program,” passed a key legislative hurdle on April 19^th when it cleared the Assembly Banking Committee. It looks very similar to the other states’ programs. Nava, allow facing opposition from the California Bankers Association, the California Credit Union League, and the Civil Justice Association of California, stated, “This legislation sends a strong message to the banking and mortgage industry that business as usual is not working…This legislation will require face to face meetings between homeowners and their lenders- so that a mutually acceptable plan can be implemented that keeps families in their home” http://www.legalnewsline.com/news/226703-calif.-foreclosure-help-bill-advances.

In my mind mediation would be ideal. Foreclosure is not just a financial issue, it is an emotional time. It deals with people’s lives and livelihoods. It involves past, present, and future. I’m hoping the mediation foreclosure program gets passed in California because there is a process leading up to it, and a process properly following the mediation which make sense to me. And if or when CA Assembly Bill 1639 gets passed, I wouldn’t mind being on the court’s foreclosure mediator list. Until then, if you find a mortgage company and a homeowner who voluntarily will mediate, please please let me know. Cases like this don’t always exist, but—they do exist.

I have an appointment with a hospice in a few weeks regarding hospice and elder care mediations, what they are and what they mean. Most people know what elder care is or involves, but some do not know about hospices. “Hospice is a type of care and a philosophy of care which focuses on the palliation of a terminally ill patient’s symptoms…The modern concept of hospice includes palliative care for the incurably ill given in such institutions as hospitals or nursing homes, but also care provided to those who would rather die in their own homes.” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hospice I have grouped the two together (Elder Care and Hospice Mediation) for analysis purposes. And, because I feel they have similar emotions, parties involved, and resolution options. Whether in San Diego or another city, mediation can work for multiple issues issues discussed below.

Beginning Discussions of Hospice and Elder Care

Mediation or the use of a mediator can occur at the beginning of discussions involving elder and hospice care. A mediator such as me can bring a family and close friends together to discuss the options the person who is sick or getting older has. Those present can discuss anything from love and trust issues, financial planning, and future service or housing decisions. A third party neutral can listen, facilitate, suggest options, encourage each person present to participate, and record any agreements. If the family is ready, geriatric or hospice management or service workers can also be present during this process.

Stages of Grief

A mediator may be called in with a social worker, psychologist, or caregiver present. He or she can help the patient and the social worker translate emotions into possible action solutions or next steps. In the 1969 book, On Death and Dying, Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross named five stages of grief people go through following a serious loss or people dealing with the diagnosis and effects of a terminal illness. In more recent years, the stages have also been applied to people dealing with addictions and losses of things (job, freedom, income, etc).

The stages are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Some contest the identification of discrete stages and believe people go through waves and can accept and then go back to not accepting, etc. Ross believed that most people got stuck in one of the first four stages for a significant period of time and that until reaching “acceptance,” life was the most painful.

A third party neutral is effective helping patients, family, and care givers identify a stage, how to move out of it, or what actions to take to reach comfort in the stage. For example, the bargaining stage often involves thoughts like, “I need to see my child graduate.” Or, “I know I will die but I need to take a trip to Cabo first.” A mediator can challenge the family and those present and help talk about options. And maybe, a mediator can with the family and caregiver’s permission, guide the patient to a solution where they can actually visit Cabo with necessary safety and health measures.

All of the stages are emotional and family and friends can get into arguments with each other, nursing home or hospice care staff, etc. A third party neutral can facilitate any meetings during any of the stages a patient is dealing with. A shouting match can become a sit down meeting with an agenda, time to air concerns and complaints, and future options.

After Elder Care Facility or Hospice Entry, Issues May Arise

The list of elder care or hospice mediation examples keeps growing as the field has been growing the past few years. This list contains some issues that would be ideal for mediation after entry into a care facility: Driving issues, quality of life issues, family trust and communication issues, family fights, service worker assessment, financial decisions, division or sale planning of property, wills and trust planning (possibly need wills and trust attorney present also or certified legal document assistant), powers of attorney decisions, emergency decisions, do not resuscitate (DNR) decisions, organ donation decisions,

Hopice or Elder Care Facility Legal Battle

Mediation can also be used when a family member has a conflict or wants to sue a nursing home or hospice care facility. There may be issues regarding current levels of care. In this case, a mediator could sit down with management, care staff, the patient’s family, and the patient and discuss why the current level of care is in dispute or not working. Agreements can be formed to change or improve the level or type of care.

Residents sometimes get injured in care facilities. Sometimes the facility is to blame and sometimes it is the patient who had a previous condition or fell on their own. What is true in any of these cases is that emotions run high. A mediator can calm the situation by letting each person discuss their views. Also, a mediator can do realty testing regarding what it may be like to put the resident in a different place. Or, what a court battle may look like instead of a mediation resolution.

A Wrongful death accusation or legal claim can be dealt with in a mediation setting as well. The death of a loved one is hard enough to deal with as it is. A long drawn out court battle may not be beneficial for either the care facility or the patient’s family and friends. Mediations are confidential which is important for both parties. And, they can be scheduled quicker than a court date. Additionally, the emotional aspect of a wrongful death accusation/claim may not be addressed in court as desired by a family. At a mediation table, we can sit and talk all day. We can laugh, cry, and take breaks. Mediation may be a more humane, confidential, cheaper solution for both parties. Additionally, it may give the care facility a chance to completely change course with future patients, which may be more difficult with a public, high press involved, legal battle. It may give a family who went through a horrible time in their life, the ability to look into the eyes of those who treated their love ones and ask:  “How?” Why?” Or, “What happened?”

Conclusion

GRASP Mediation can help San Diego families, friends, and care facilities deal with these issues from a third party neutral perspective. Sometimes, that is the very thing that is needed.

Abraham Lincoln

Before forming a cabinet with his political opponents both in his party and other parties….well and the small accomplishment of uniting the union, Lincoln was considered a great prairie lawyer, community member, and story teller.  In addition to being a great litigator, he was a great mediator. In addition to telling stories to community members and clients he told them: “Discourage litigations, persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can.” It was his ability to compromise and his ability to see in others what may help them also compromise that led to his many successes.

Barbara Walters

I know you are wondering why Barbara. Yes, she had this idea for a show where women would talk about their issues (The View). I believe Barbara is a great journalist because she is neutral like a mediator. She asks people to tell their stories through their eyes. She guides them to tell these stories by asking questions that are not disrespectful or connotative. She does this by reframing her questions for her interviewees in a way that they will understand. In addition to her interviewing skills, her show in my mind is a mediation forum. The View, whether you are a fan or not, show cases different women from different backgrounds. In the end they find some common interests. I see mediation type techniques occur. For example, they table some issues that get too heated. They review what they have discussed and summarize. They introduce new topics. So I see Barbara and her show the view as mediation related.

Ryan Seacrest

Ok so you are probably thinking a few things. How did Michael go from talking about Abraham Lincoln to Barbara Walters to Ryan Seacrest? I think Ryan Seacrest is an effective mediator. Not only does he mediate his 600 jobs and find the resolve to do them all considerably well, he mediates when he works. On American Idol for example he asks the judges, is that what you mean? Simon often says things like, “That performance was wet.” Or lately Ellen will say a singer is like a “hospital gown.” The two flaps are almost there, but there’s no cover in the back. Or Kara will say she likes something, but she doesn’t like it, but she likes it. Ryan listens, attempts to summarize for America, and then asks if that’s what they meant. This is mediation. He also remains neutral and doesn’t let us know his performer preferences, even though I am certain he has his favorites.

Ryan also finds something good about the contestants even if it is apparent that hardly anything worked out. I have heard him say things like, “Well you look wonderful tonight.” Or, “It’s up to America to decide.”

Conclusion

You may think Lincoln, Walters, and Seacrest are not mediators. Whether you are mediating in a professional sense and whether or not you are a celebrity, we all use mediation techniques. After having a laugh at this blog, think about the three people above. Watch American Idol this week and ask, is Seacrest using mediation skills like Michael is suggesting. And, the next time you go to the grocery store or department store, look for mediation around you. Is there a person helping with a conflict? Are they playing a neutral third party? Are they asking about goals and expectations and looking for common interests? Are they helping others come up with resolution ideas? Etc. Etc. I’m sure I could come up with other celebrity mediators, but similar to Seacrest’s expression, “Seacrest out,” Jonas out!

Property Disputes: Property Management companies and private landlords often have tenants who owe rent money, have allegedly caused damage to the property, or owe Home Owner’s Association Fees. Sometimes however, a tenant leaves because they feel the property was inhabitable or they have proof of payment for any disputed amount of money owed.

Mediation works for these circumstances because property managers may have several parties to collect from and filing numerous legal cases would not only be costly, it would take a great deal of time. Additionally, a miscommunication or lack of information that is often seen at the mediation table can immediately bring a resolution to the forefront. While the nature of a case like this is similar to others in that one party believes they are owed money and another party believes they don’t owe money, there is a human aspect. Say a person doesn’t pay rent or HOA fees because they lost their job and their spouse left them. And say, the Landlord or Property Management Company doesn’t like excuses and has a business to run.

Mediation allows for the business man looking for money to stop and think about the individual who owes money. And, it allows for the person who owes money to realize it is not a personal vendetta against them. This understanding is then transferred to creative solution options such as payment plans, some usage of amenities, and possibly the termination of any embarrassing or excessive debt collection efforts.

Neighbors: Neighbor disputes are interesting. A mediation may start with a discussion of noise and lead to parking, trash can placement, fence repair, and so on. Mediation is useful in neighbor disputes because communication walls need to be repaired. Two families who have their own rules but own adjacent property must live side by side. They don’t need to be the best friends, but they need to be civil. A mediation agreement may include financial provisions like “John Smith Fencing company will be used to rebuild the fence, both parties pay 50% of fence rebuilding costs. Any additional costs including, but not limited to painting the fence also shared 50%…”

Or, the bargaining may be nonfinancial such as, “Only two large parties of 20 people or more only once a month. Parties not on a weeknights unless pre-approved within 5 days…etc.”

Environmental Group and Construction Company: Land is highly valued especially in California both for its monetary future and for its beauty. There is a need to develop, but also a need to conserve. Additionally, developments can be done responsibly and respectfully. Sometimes, building blueprints pass zoning and regulation laws and are given the green light. However, the land is located on or close to a highly valued (sometimes endangered) plant or animal species. A mediation would keep a construction company out of the news. Additionally, it would allow the project to continue if necessary compromises on both sides were made. Maybe the condos could be built 300 yards further out. Or, the builder could agree to build a park or care area for the plant or animal with prominence in the area. A good mediator can ask both sides what they want out of the situation and can find common ground. The construction company may learn that the environmental group isn’t trying to ruin the construction company’s project, they just want it altered. And the construction company may learn not only that the plant or animal exists, but that its beauty should be worked into their project.

Mediation can be used for anything from a car accident case to a dental work to divorce and child custody agreements. The most important thing to ask when people are considering mediation is if both parties are willing to mediate and if they believe that can do so in a civil manner that will result in a collaborative, mutually beneficial agreement. They should also compare the costs of doing nothing, hiring a mediator, or filing in court. Or, they may want to pick an in between of hiring a lawyer to represent them in a mediation. Additionally, mediations are private and confidential. Cases that go to trial are publically recorded.

I like mediation not because I dislike litigation. I like it because it gives parties an opportunity to talk things out. Money damages and injunctions in litigation settings are often helpful, but may take too long, not be as creative, be too expensive, or may not give parties as much closure as expected.